An Attempt at Constructive Criticism

7th Nov 2014, 7:37 AM

The flying cards effect is flashy, but just a little too much with how many cards are being thrown around. As it is, it kind of gives the underlying feel that Danah is "flipping the table" in a sort of way. Dramatic? Yes, but her attitude comes off a bit negative in this light. It's almost arrogant or dismissive, which contrasts kind of heavily with her character as shown up to this point. Maybe that was intentional? I kind of hope not, but the comic is still in its early chapters, so time will tell, I guess.

I have to admit, while the game shown is well played, as the story progressed, I found myself forgetting exactly why each player was in the lead. I've never played Gin Rummy and watching this was my first real exposure to the game. For a semi-weekly comic, that's a bit of a problem for someone in my position. Personally, I feel a little "points" counter in the corner of certain panels might have helped this immensely. Just a thought. Clarity and simplicity are both integral in explaining the rules of a scenario (be it a game, contest, or duel, etc.) to people new to them. While I was able to follow for the most part, and the game in story time is a reasonable pace, as I followed with each update, I couldn't help but find myself needing to go back and review the rules as stated and give more thought than I thought I'd need to to understand what was going on. The explanation given was clear, and the characters demonstrated them well, but If I wasn't keeping track of how many points Danah and Nyado had by the end of it, I'd have sworn Nyado had more points than Danah could've ever reasonably could have caught up with.

And as a side note, while I'm not sure if this is just how loose their clothing is supposed to be, the sheer number of wrinkles in Danah's clothes more often than not make them look wet. This is mostly just a nitpick. It doesn't bother me greatly, but I wanted to say it to have it out there in case it seemed like something you, the artist felt may be something you could (or even would've wanted) to improve on.

Again, this is meant to be constructive. So far, I am in love with this series and only want to see it get better. Here's to Danah's victory.

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Arty Stu
7th Nov 2014, 1:19 PM

Hey there Taso! No need to worry, i accept every criticism as long as it is constructive as this one! And truth be told-- you're right on the majority of the points.

As for the first point, it's kinda difficult to talk about it. Even if we talk about Nyado, Biro, Huro and any other character i've introduced and/or i'll introduce, there will be moments like this. But i wouldn't say it doesn't make sense, it's just... difficult to see, not just at the moment, why their acting can seem sometimes weird. The only thing i can say right now is that i'm working on every character for years now, i'll make sure every action has an answer. Every character has a mask. Everyone has secrets. They all have a reason to be. I can assure this much ;)

As for the second point, unfortunately, you're right. That is something i have to face, the webcomic structure makes this comic difficult to handle, not just for the games, but for the plot itself. That's why i tried (perhaps not successfully) to stealthily "repeat" some rules the moment they were applied. Actually the points weren't so important, the objective was to place every card in their hand, the points were central just for both the opening. So i got rid of a useless parameter to make this more simple to follow and frienly to read... at least i tried...

As for the last point, yeah that's something i was still trying to improve with, clothes and all... they were flat at first, now they seem wet. I'm working to reach a compromise since i wasn't convinced myself.

Don't worry about it! It's always good to have some correct criticism. ^^ if i have an answer and i can give it, i always try to do that!

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7th Nov 2014, 4:59 PM

Perhaps for Gin Rummy (since the object of the game is to get rid of all your cards), a card count would have been appropriate to help us keep on track. Throughout the past few strips I did find myself a small bit unsure of how close Danah was to going out. (Nyado was easy to remember cause he's been sitting on that one card for forever). =P

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Arty Stu
8th Nov 2014, 9:30 AM

Yup, you're right, it would've helped. I'll try to be more careful in future

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